neurological dryer lint

last night at guys group, i realized something while watching rob & ben play super mario bros. 3. well, a few things. one, it's still the greatest game ever made, period. nothing else has ever contended. two, i have a defined, structured way to play through it - to the point that i don't think i could ever deviate from it. i can play through it blindfolded. the movements are just natural, like driving home, or brushing my teeth - i don't think about it, i just do it. how many other things in my life are like that? could my relationship with God get to that point, where i just depend on Him without thinking? why can't it be? do i want it to be? is that why it's not? how can i get myself 'switched over' to just talking to the Lord and surrendering to Him automatically, instead of depending on myself and my own substandard ability?

well that got way deep, but that's just the effect that mario 3 has on me. the third thing (which we all found hilarious and sad at the same time) is that i think i have nightmares about holding a turtle shell too long, and having it wake up on me and kill me. or jumping too short and missing a platform. those are the things that haunt my dreams, that frighten me in the empty night before i fall asleep. and i think they translate into other things - my bad dreams are always about being late to something, falling behind, missing everything, like i'm always running to catch up with something i can't identify that's right out of my reach. i've had a few recurring ones that always have that element present.

good news, though, i removed the trojan that was on our mailserver. i don't know where it came from and feel like a fool that i missed it for so long - and that it was one that gets installed through an IIS exploit. i thought i was diligent in installing IIS patches. guess i'm not a supergenius. bumma.