neurological dryer lint

just finished blue like jazz. it ended great.

i was thinking while i read it, hearing the author talk about his experiences with Jesus and the people he was around. i kept on thinking about the inner struggle i've always had, to separate what i call 'celebrity Jesus' - which is the historical figure, the Jesus everyone talks about, the fabled man of old (think King Arthur, William Wallace, Benjamin Franklin) the central person in some religions, they guy they wrote about in the Bible - with 'real Jesus', the friend. the person i say i have a close relationship with. the problem is that celebrity Jesus keeps standing in front of real Jesus and confuses me. it's a big big big struggle. i wrestle with this one a whole lot. here's what i mean.

i want to be friends with real Jesus, have meaningful conversations with him where i can hear what he's saying to me and not just what i'm imagining he's saying to me. i want to get to know him as a person, not a magazine article or an interview. i want to take a road trip with him and see what kind of music he likes and what he orders at waffle house, because that's a great determiner of who a person is. i want to build a house with him and joke around, sit in ann o'malley's and pick stuff out of a jukebox with him and order some sandwiches. i want him at the poker table so i can see what he does when someone bets 5 before the flop. i want him to sit there and listen when i get really frustrated and feel closed in and out of control and i want to see what his resolution is.

i would like to be interactive with him. i don't want Magic 8 Ball Jesus. I want psychologist / personal trainer / bartender / Halo teammate / euchre partner / sit-on-the-couch-and-watch-star-trek-with-me-and-really-like-it Jesus.

lots of really spiritual, smart people say i can know Jesus like that. i think. maybe i misinterpreted them, or i just really wanted to know Jesus like that, and so i imagined they all said that, or put the words in their mouth. if Jesus is perfect and all-powerful, then he's clearly capable of making something like that happen, as little ol' Justin didn't just outdream him.

celebrity Jesus, though, is my interpretation of everyone else's views on him, and that's not what i want. but when i begin to talk with Jesus i keep forgetting that i'm not talking to a celebrity. or someone who wants to be thought of as one, anyway. i want personal interaction. people say Jesus is their best friend, but how can that be possible if he isn't sitting there in front of you? nodding and drinking a coke while listening to you? asking you what you mean by that?

it dawned on me, though, that there is a little bit of an explanation to all that. one - my hope that Jesus will show up with some Jimmy John's and some DS9 DVD's tomorrow and want to hang out isn't going to happen. i may want to grill some burgers with Jesus, but that's just not in the works.

But real Jesus is still around me - just in pieces. His peacemaking, his gentleness, his comfort and care and smile that'll fix anything are in Renee. His passion and encouragement and sense of justice and unity are in Artie. His courage and steadfastness and servant attitude are in Steve. His sharp wit, his 'you matter to me' attitude is in Tony. His excitement and ingenuity are in B. His cries for the lost and alone are in Nate. His easy, disarming, "it's cool man, we're on the same level" laughter is in Dethloff. His dedication and curiousity are in Chip. His bravery and fierceness are in B-luv. His desire for deep, lasting, wonderful friendships is in Colleen. His compassion is in Susan. His sacrifice is in Leslie. His enthusiasm and sense of humor are in Megan. His brotherly love is in Mikey. His warmth and joy and adventure are in Hamrick. His 'i'll do anything for you' heart is in Murph. His grace and unconditional love are in Ian, in Kolia. i could go on. but this is the importance of community, of family - not just giving us a place where our desperate desire to belong will be met - but another place to encounter Jesus. and if encountering Jesus is the whole reason we live anyway... well it makes sense why things are the way they are, why this family feels so good.

and oh yeah, part two of what dawned on me. i will get to watch Star Trek and drink cheerwine and coke on ice with Jesus, just not yet. that's the agenda for heaven, i think, because earth isn't perfect or where we fully experience God perfectly for eternity, otherwise, we'd just chill here and not need heaven.

seriously. how sweet would just sitting around playing poker and grilling burgers with Jesus be? i bet he could make a mean one. grill that sucker perfectly. in midair, too, he don't need no Foreman.