neurological dryer lint

i read this post by this blogger about my age talking about overthinking. and - shockingly enough - it got me overthinking about stuff. probably.

[meta: i just edited that sentence about a dozen times before i was comfortable with it. quite surreal.]

i overthink and overact because of it. i analyze things to a depth far further than is necessary. especially between me and God. i've often wondered if it's an ADD thing. the other symptoms seem to match up:

- i'm constantly - constantly tapping my feet. i don't even think about it. it just happens. switch off my brain or get it focused at anything and the reflex takes over. i'm doing it right now.
- obviously the need to be entertained every five seconds, to have at least three forms of semi-interactive entertainment engaging me at any given time.
- since i was about eight, probably, i've grinded my teeth to the rhythm of whatever song was in my head. i'm also doing that right now.
- i flop around in bed trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, and i can't keep my feet under the covers. it's not so much that i get too warm. i don't know what it is, honestly. renee sees the commercials for RLS medication and thinks that i have it. i probably do.
- i don't drive anywhere, sit at work, at home, etc without music on, or a screen on in front of me. although sometimes i'll be focused thinking about something and won't notice that the music's off for about 20 minutes. otherwise it's always on. so while you're all thinking 'just turn it off, man', i can tell you that it's still in my head, even if it's not on. and whatever's playing in my head is usually annoying, and the only way to stop my brain from irritating itself is to feed it something else.

so you add all those things together. turns out i'm pretty messed up. it seems too extensive to be ADD, but i don't think it's autism or anything like that either. thing is, i'm not really worried or overwhelmed with a desire to change it. i know some of these symptoms are mildly harmful (read: they irrirate my wife and my dentist)... maybe the exhaustion i feel at the end of the day is a result of the subconscious, uncontrollable activity of my brain (and my twitching appendages) all day. maybe i need to be drugged up some more to calm myself down. maybe i'm fine. maybe it's all destroying me. maybe i just need a week away in a secluded cabin with no electronics of any kind. or maybe that'd drive me nuts, elevate the psychosis, and it's the opposite of what i need.

maybe if the # of maybe's in your post are > 2 you're a total lunatic.