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neurological dryer lint

dirty deeds... and the dunderchief

 

just another stupid american

i drove home at 2:30am last night, squirming uncomfortably in the driver's seat... i felt like someone had kicked me in the stones - it was the most visceral physical response to an emotional wound i had ever felt, and its cause was an overwhelming disappointment drowning my heart.

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull was soulless and empty, a scifi b-movie-of-the-week poorly dressed up like the films from the 80's that i loved. it was like going on a date with a mannequin that looks like your girlfriend. comparisons to the new star wars trilogy (raiders of the lost ark is to a new hope as the phantom menace is to crystal skull) skip over one important point - episode 1 had some redeeming qualities.

you could recognize lucas' abysmal writing and story from a mile off, something i braced myself against walking in... but nearly every otheraspect of the film matched that low quality - one dimensional characters (wow, shia lebouf, you're such a rebel who plays by his own rules), an uninteresting villain, and a convoluted "backstory" that they tried to present as mysterious but came across as half-baked and confusing (apparently indy was in the cia? whatever).

and since when does ILM let their janitor create their special effects? for the most part they were run-of-the-mill, except for the very end, in one of the final crucial scenes - i won't spoil it, but i will say i felt like i was watching men in black.

the most stunning betrayal came in harrison ford's utter failure in reviving the indiana jones character. twenty years ago he was funny, clever, committed, the guy had heart. there was absolutely no heart in the indy i saw last night - 90% of the time, harrison played the grumpy, i'm-always-right, get-off-my-plane, give-me-back-my-family old man he's been in every film role for the past ten years... for the other 10% he was a disconcertingly sensitive, warm-and-fuzzy chump that made me want to projectile vomit.

depressed yet? don't watch this film, unless you want to feel like someone just ran over your dog.

 

for this post

 
Blogger B-Call Says:

i had a feeling that it was going to blow, but i tried to suppress those thoughts going in.
like i told simon when he ranked these summer movies, i thought Indy had a higher possible suck percentage than DK.
unfortunately, all of our worst fears came true.
i'm going to have to watch Last Crusade again to get last night out of my mind and remind myself how the series was supposed to end.

 
 
Blogger Simon Says:

Here's a better comparison for you...remember when Rocky 5 came out? Yeah that was Crystal Skull!

There were a few things I was happy with, that they stuck to their roots on. But it was almost like someone else was writing the story. You would think that with a series that helped solidify your legacy (Ford, Lucas, and Spielberg) you would put some pride into your work and try to make it the best movie of them all! Especially after bringing it back 20 years later...

 
 
OpenID danielsmyth Says:

thats rough man. I'll probably just skip it so thanks for the warning. Prince Caspian, decent. Not true to the book. Pretty similar story. Entertaining if you can let go.

 
 
Blogger ryanham Says:

Yeah, it felt very "mailed in." Almost like Spielberg let someone else direct it for the most part, and Lucas just showed up on the set everyday for the craft services.

I'm just shocked that a director the quality of Spielberg would be satisfied with that work by any stretch. Did he not watch the finished product?

There were also some VERY bad present scenes from a look perspective that broke down the realism and they just flat out LOOKED like they were shot on a sound stage. I wonder if his Director of Photography was a new guy or something.

The only redeeming quality was the usage of the same sound effects as the other movies. The punches in the Indy movies just really sound cool.

 
 
Blogger Austin Says:

whats so bad about a hot mannequin that doesnt talk? thats the best date ever.

 

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