neurological dryer lint

i drove home at 2:30am last night, squirming uncomfortably in the driver's seat... i felt like someone had kicked me in the stones - it was the most visceral physical response to an emotional wound i had ever felt, and its cause was an overwhelming disappointment drowning my heart.

indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull was soulless and empty, a scifi b-movie-of-the-week poorly dressed up like the films from the 80's that i loved. it was like going on a date with a mannequin that looks like your girlfriend. comparisons to the new star wars trilogy (raiders of the lost ark is to a new hope as the phantom menace is to crystal skull) skip over one important point - episode 1 had some redeeming qualities.

you could recognize lucas' abysmal writing and story from a mile off, something i braced myself against walking in... but nearly every otheraspect of the film matched that low quality - one dimensional characters (wow, shia lebouf, you're such a rebel who plays by his own rules), an uninteresting villain, and a convoluted "backstory" that they tried to present as mysterious but came across as half-baked and confusing (apparently indy was in the cia? whatever).

and since when does ILM let their janitor create their special effects? for the most part they were run-of-the-mill, except for the very end, in one of the final crucial scenes - i won't spoil it, but i will say i felt like i was watching men in black.

the most stunning betrayal came in harrison ford's utter failure in reviving the indiana jones character. twenty years ago he was funny, clever, committed, the guy had heart. there was absolutely no heart in the indy i saw last night - 90% of the time, harrison played the grumpy, i'm-always-right, get-off-my-plane, give-me-back-my-family old man he's been in every film role for the past ten years... for the other 10% he was a disconcertingly sensitive, warm-and-fuzzy chump that made me want to projectile vomit.

depressed yet? don't watch this film, unless you want to feel like someone just ran over your dog.